Agatha Seymour's

I often felt that I’ve been alone all my life, that no one has ever helped me. Then I realized that we tend to pity and victimize ourselves. Actually there were several people who helped me, although these weren’t unbelievably big or crucial helps (I didn’t win the lottery, didn’t enjoy the support of any influential people), but still they were important. Since I was a little child, I remember people who consciously or not, but stood by me in the right moment, encouraged me with two good words or supported me in any other ways. In retrospect, then and there any tiny attention meant a lot, that’s why I remember them with gratitude and I try to pass on these helping energies to the best of my knowledge. I’m sure that even the most helpless person can recall such moments…

I have one absolutely basic role in connection with my wardrobe: what I didn’t wear during the last year (except the absolute classics and basics) I won’t ever wear it. Once a year, usually in autumn, I sort out my whole wardrobe and I collect and give those pieces away as a present which belong to the ‘over a year’ category. To some families it means a great help and for me this is an opportunity to keep energies continuously flowing in and out.

Not everybody and not always in our youth are we given the opportunity to find the job that best suits us; which we would do even for free, in which we would invest all our creativity, every single minute of which we enjoy. That’s why I believe it is essential to spend our spare time with things that make us happy. Don’t have to think of expensive and priceless staff! It can be panting, dancing, music, sport, modeling or anything else which is personal and unique in its own way. I strongly believe that a good hobby can greatly improve our life standard, it brings happiness to the gray everydays, it makes our personality more colorful for ourselves and for others. You haven’t got a hobby? What an adventure it is to explore ourselves and our interests!

I got one of the most practical teachings from my singing teacher, Judith. It also happens to me sometimes that I whine because of something small, attach enormous significance to insignificant things or an unpleasant experience makes me sick. On one of these occasions she “cured” my wailing with one single sentence: ‘A coal mine! That would do good for you! If you worked 10-12 hours a day for a piece of bread and water your thoughts would get clear in a minute! You wouldn’t have strength to think about all this nonsense, you’d be so tired that even getting a good night sleep would make you happy,’ she said. I didn’t go to work in a coal mine but I immediately understood the teaching. I make great use of it even today…

If I had to draw up the storyline of my love-life and mention the most interesting elements of my relationships, I would say that I learnt something important from each man, I tried their hobbies and I got to know a new and special way of thinking. One of them taught me to look at the sunset instead of doing the washing up because the latter will wait for me. Another took me to numerous rock concerts – all the hitch-hiking trips in sleeping bags remained unforgettable – there was someone else who brought regular sport into my life, someone else the power of faith, the importance of religion and its place in my self-definition. In retrospect I must say that I’m grateful for each of them for the time spent together, even if there were sometimes quite trying situations… They shaped me to a great extent, I learned a lot from them about myself, about men and about the world, since beyond the magic of love, relationships are also about enriching and teaching one another.

There is nothing wrong with somebody living alone. I’m always happy to recall the memories of those periods of my life that I experienced without a relationship. Good heavens! How much time I had for myself, for my friends, for going to the cinema, for evening walks, for big chats on the bank of a river. How many plans I devised, how many ideas I had, how many things I started. It always makes me smile to remember that since I had plenty of spare time on Sunday mornings I taught English and I spent the money I earned on guitar lessons and art workshops. I didn’t lean playing the guitar, I can’t draw in a professional way but I made several interesting acquaintances and friends, I always was a very happy single woman.

I’m a 21st century woman. I try to use all opportunities provided by the our time, value everything which is given by our modern world, let it be anything. I’m not at all against the creatures of the modern world but I’m happy to turn to classical values at any time. For me sometimes the most romantic Sunday afternoon or evening program is to snug myself into my armchair with my favorite collection of poems and read, read, read and daydream for hours…

I’m not ashamed of learning from others. It is not a problem for me to admit that I’m far not as clever as Stephen Hawking and in this life I’m not even going to approach him. What’s more! Actually I happily declare that I don’t have to struggle with forced compliance under the burden of “I know everything” and I’m happy due to the fact and experience that there is no person from whom I couldn’t learn something. Everybody is able to seem clever or be a smart aleck, but not everybody is capable of being open-minded, paying attention to others or learning from others. I believe the latter requires more wisdom; anyway life constantly brings further things to learn to my way, so it’s worth paying attention to everybody’s life experience and wisdom.

I felt good in those relationships where I was a bit selfish, or rather when I loved myself very much. When I always turned a blind eye to everything… somehow things didn’t work out. Then suddenly I got fed up with and said to myself that it would be great to be alone for a while, I’ll enjoy myself alone as well, I’ll have more spare time for my things and for my friends. From this moment on I expect my partner to pay attention to my needs, to feel the importance of the things which are important for me. The most important conclusion of my relationships so far is that everybody can go as far as we let them and only those things can be done to us which we let to be done! The most important thing is to love and respect ourselves, so that our partner can love and respect us as well!

‘I paid too much attention to other’s opinion. I made unworthy sacrifices because I wasn’t brave enough to cause pain,’ wrote my favorite author, W.S. Maugham. I have been thinking a lot about this sentence. I think no matter how sympathetic we are with others sometimes there is no other possibility but to cause pain because taking responsibility for ourselves is not compatible with the interest of others. Of course it is not always the case and not at any cost, since it would be selfish, I think healthy, instinctive common sense can help finding out from the maze of possible decisions.

Sometimes I don’t feel like doing anything. I’m sniveling and yawning all morning and reprovingly observe the weather. I guess angels love me very much because on these days they send someone who needs me. Let it be my neighbor, the elderly Anna who can’t take the trash out because the elevator is out of order, or any other acquaintances of mine who need my help, I immediately feel better and through helping I get eager for action. I get down to work and I work until I faint. Anybody can try it, it works!!!

It’s important to keep in mind that nothing is ours. Not even information! That’s why it’s pointless to struggle for acquiring or possessing any kind of knowledge because knowledge is everywhere, it’s floating in the Universe and therefore it’s everybody’s. I’m happy to help anybody either with ideas or experiences, since the more people know something important, good, and useful, the better for everyone, the richer we all are. Envy leads nowhere but to confusing our own inner love-system, blocking the way in front of ourselves on the road to knowledge due to our inferiority complex. It’s not a problem if we can’t be honestly happy about someone else’s happiness. It’s enough to say despite our negative feelings that I wish you luck and in this way we let all negative energies go.

Candlelight and nigh are inseparable for me. Due to intimacy and the sight of real fire I immediately feel myself better. Anyway, it’ inevitable that I light a candle at night in summer or in winter alike. I always carefully choose the color of the candles. Since I believe in color therapy, I usually have many colors at home so I always have the one I need inside. If I need to strengthen my practicality I choose a color in line with this, if I long for calmness then I look for the appropriate color, but above all I like the color of love.

Who on earth, I mean which women, wouldn’t be an enthusiastic romantic? And since this sort of excitement is rather typical of us, we might help a bit our desires to be satisfied if we slip them into our life with a bit of attention and creativity. In a relationship surprises can work as real aphrodisiacs and there are no men who could resist an exciting adventure together. Nobody should decline organizing events which don’t necessarily belong to the favorites of our partner, in my life those events had the greatest effect which we still recall as a shocking experience.

It took me for a while not to compare myself to others. While I was examining, analysing where I am with my life compared to others I always felt that I’m not good enough, not successful enough. It always turned out that there are people much more beautiful, better, cleverer, more talented so I always had opponents. Then as I let these thoughts go and started to appreciate, to love, to pay attention to myself I tried to experience the present and make the best possible decisions, it turned out the my sole opponent had been me. My constant dissatisfaction and self-scolding were in the way, and I also realized that I only have to deal with my own destiny because I’m only responsible for that.

I try to renew myself outside and inside from time to time. Sometimes people around me look at my new outfit, some of the new cocky items in my wardrobe with astonishment and also at the constant reorganization of the flat, but I think these changes do good for everybody. If I could I would move in every few years, I would live once in the downtown, once up on the hill, once on the bank of a river. I believe that the changes of the environment always mean a new life, new life-style, new habits and new opportunities. In my view this active variety is one of the extremely effective ways of remaining exciting for ourselves and maybe for others as well.

For me being an adult also means that I try to be a professional in what I do. I try to be aware of the fact that whatever I do and say has a consequence, try to turn to others with respect and honest attention. If possible, I’m always well organized, meet my deadlines, plan my year ahead, set clear aims for myself. I know it from experience that others take me serious as much as I take my job serious.

I’ve got a teaching for a lifetime from my favorite author and ideal. He always comes to my mind whenever I feel blue or I see the situation hopeless. W. S. Maugham became an orphan at the age of ten, his uncle didn’t care much about him, he spent his childhood as an orphan, lonely and stuttering. However, he didn’t break down, he decided very early that despite all the difficulties and seemingly considerable disadvantages he’ll have a great plan for the future and he will make the most of life. Well, he did make the most of it and became a world famous author. For me it means that nothing is impossible, anybody can achieve anything if you work for it hard enough.

One thing is for granted, you can never take anything for granted. Any time I form my opinion and I get relaxed that this is how it is, really this is it, I immediately bump into somebody who has entirely different thoughts about the same situation and I must change my opinion. After a while I had no choice but to admit that I can’t stick to one opinion since things are in constant change, I always gain new experiences about the world, and I must keep my vision about the world fresh and up-to-date and I have to remain open-minded. If I get stuck in a situation or opinion my attachment becomes addiction and it would be very painful to get rid of that.

I know it might sound strange but relaxation for me doesn’t always mean the traditional form of having a rest. Since I do intellectual work most of the time and my mind can’t have a break even when I’m trying to sort out my things in the city, so for me real relaxation is physical work. In my experience, intellectual tiredness (even bad mood) can be cured with physical work. If you are dead tired and don’t even want to move, you won’t burden yourself with mental or spiritual problems for granted… Well, you don’t have to think of any very burdensome work! But if I think it over a substantial cleaning really makes you move…

As I’ve mentioned I’m not really a culinary expert but if I feel like, and only if I feel like, I venture into the kitchen! You shouldn’t expect big creations, nothing like that is about to come. First of all, I take one of my favorite cook, Nigella Lawson’s amazing books and I start searching eagerly. I almost get full already with the wonderful illustrations!!! I like Nigella because her recipes are simple, the ingredients can be bought at the non-stop shop at the corner and it doesn’t take more than then minutes to prepare them! Today I prepare an extremely simple dessert for myself, just for the sake of bit of a luxury, after all it’s weekend!

I usually don’t complain and nor can I handle others’ complaints. Simply because I know that everybody must cope with his/her own problems on his/her own. I have to solve mines (I have enough to do), others have to solve theirs and I don’t like interfering into others’ life (unless they ask me to). I know it very well that each decision lays responsibility on you, so everybody must take the consequences for their own decisions. Besides, as I see it, it’s much more exciting to make ourselves interesting for ourselves and for others with creative, practical tasks and work instead of complaining. A well done job with refreshing, original solutions can inspire everybody!

Being honest and natural is an unbelievably good feeling! Until, out of timidity or opportunism, I didn’t try to be honest to myself and to the world, I didn’t know what a huge burden I was carrying on my shoulders. Then when I had nothing to lose I tried it and I gave up posing, I didn’t try to be nice in order to make myself more loveable and acceptable, suddenly a whole new world opened up. In this world it turned out that you can be the most natural and the most genuine if you are yourself. Since then if someone asks about me I open my arms and add: That’s me, no more, no less!

In my experience, if you learn to accept and love yourself, you don’t want to live up to others’ expectations any more. You will feel happy, will be content and life will give you more good and beautiful moments. Since then more and more happy and content people have entered my life, whose success and creativity have inspired me as well. However, life is still colorful and sometimes I happen to bump into rude and malicious people, but I’m neither afraid of them, nor the situation any more. Of course, I do my best to handle the situation but I don’t pay attention to their remarks because I know that I don’t need everybody’s love!

Life is constantly testing us. The “devil” comes in scheduled intervals and temps us. He quietly and crookedly whispers into my ears: ‘Give it up, look for the easier way! Can’t you see that you’re not going to reach your aim?’ I’m often really very tired and only God knows what gives me power to keep on doing my things when the results are nowhere, I’m just investing energy into the process and just waiting for the tangible results. I think in this case I’m inspired by the fact that I know if I don’t resist temptation and I give up I will never reach what I want, I will never get to where I want and this belief of mine has always proved true.

I’ve given up insisting on everything happening in accordance with my own will. I set my aim but I don’t insist on fulfilling it on the basis of my plan, I let creation help my life in a way it wishes. I believe we should let life flow in its natural bed. With this I want to imply that it’s only worth fighting for aims if we keep in mind all the time the fact that the world is constantly changing and the circumstances are changing with it. Maybe life wants to give twice as much on the road towards the aim as I’ve imagined in my version, that’s why it’s worth paying attention to the signs and flowing together with the events.

Apparently, I’m not sure whether it’s true, I love variety due to my Aries nature. I try something new whenever I can; no matter whether it’s going shopping on a weekday where I choose a different type of cheese or exploring another way in the city I’m always delighted to have variety. I love trying unknown things since each little novelty hides some adventure, experience and self-knowledge in itself. We always learn something new about ourselves, what we like, what we long for or what we are good at. Let alone how much every experience enriches our life and how boring it would be to do the very same thing over and over and over again until we die!

I often waited for the circumstances to change a bit, for things to work out and ‘then’ I’ll go ahead with my plans. Later on I realized that there are no perfect moments in life. It’s impossible to find the moment when every circumstance serves my aims. There will always be problems, details to be sorted out, and challenges. Today if something seems ‘good enough’ I go ahead. Challenges make us stronger, more self-confident and from this point of view each moment is perfect for a plan!

What does it mean today to live well? In my view, it means that we do what we love and we can live on it. I think the greatest luxury of all, if you can live your life as you like it, live for what you like and do the hobbies you like. For me it doesn’t necessarily include owing a boat or a weekend house in the countryside, but of course if you can afford these things use the opportunity and enjoy every minute.