Where Did the Woman I Once Was Go? Rediscovering Strength, Identity, and Inner Drive

A reflective piece about losing and rediscovering your true self. Explore how relationships and life challenges can dim your inner strength—and how to reconnect with your confidence, dreams, and authentic identity. I believe that at times we all get lost in the world—we lose ourselves, the woman we were at eighteen, when we were young. We lose our momentum, our dreams, our strength, our perseverance, and many of the things that make life exciting and good. But if we are lucky, and if we work for it, we can find her again. We can revive her, pick up her rhythm, her optimism, her strength, her faith in life, and once more dive into the thick of things. Especially in the final stages of my relationships, I missed my ideal self. It was good to think back to her, to draw strength from that confident, independent, brave, initiative-taking girl who once made big plans and actually set out to achieve them. But where does this self so often go, and why? Why do we forget who we really are? Because I believe that in a well-functioning relationship, by “entering into it,” we should become more complete and freer—not lose the abilities we once had.

I walk down the street and watch people, I look at faces, both young and old. So many of us are lost—we lose that gaze in which faith, plans, courage, strength, and optimism once shone. The gaze with which we set out into the world, with which we wanted to change it, and through which we could become whole. Yet it is there, immortal and indestructible, beating in everyone’s chest as the most fundamental and purest sign of our humanity. Perhaps it is just too deep for us to notice, to hear its voice, to realize consciously that the person still lives within us—that we are still “her.” She can be called forth, and she must be called forth every time she is lost. We must address her, call her, encourage our strong self, and let her know that this is her time and her space, as it has always been and always will be. Of course, it is not easy, but these efforts must be made. I have failed many times myself. After the first steps, my momentum would last for a while, then fade. And because I know this losing situation from experience, the next time I remind myself that there will be difficult moments, and that with the first great burst of energy I only need to reach the breaking point—the point of self-belief. If one reaches that far, all that is left is to take a deep breath and step over into the world of optimism. I know it is not easy to hold on to this decision even for a few days, let alone weeks, but there is no other way. At least not for me. But giving up is not an option either, because we must find that woman, our true self, in whom the fire, the drive, the desire to live and shine still exists—the ones we truly are. — Agatha Seymour