How Embracing Life's Flow Helps You Trust Yourself Again

I believe in everyday spirituality, in the idea that a person lives their life—after all, that’s what life is for—and when they encounter some external or internal problem that they cannot solve immediately, they pause and reflect. From my own experience, I’ve noticed that it’s often more important to understand something multiple times than to act right away—I mean that I act only when I am certain I am acting correctly; in uncertainty, I don’t rush or fumble. This is especially true for inner struggles, which often manifest in incomprehensible ways in the physical world. For example, I have experienced things that led me to conclude that my faith in myself had been severely shaken. I knew exactly that certain difficulties had occurred in my life, challenges I had dealt with enough but still could not overcome; something was missing for a final release. Then, suddenly, I realized: it was my faith in myself that the events had unsettled. Since I am fully aware that things do not just happen to me by chance, that everything is the result of my own decisions, it was difficult to process that I had made a choice that had caused me tremendous harm. How could a person trust themselves after that? How could they believe that in the future they would make decisions that would turn their fate for the better?—these were the questions I asked myself.

And so it happened that I sat down and, one by one, forgave myself for everything I had ever been angry with myself about. From my memories, I revisited the period when I experienced terrible pain. I gently held those events close to me, like a fragment of a long film reel, and faced them with acceptance. I did not judge—neither the situation, nor myself, nor the people involved. I said aloud to myself, I forgive myself for making the decisions that led to these events—so there could be no doubt that I had made serious choices with irreversible consequences. I reminded myself that I did the best I could at the time; there is no reason to be angry at myself. I strengthened myself. I forgive myself, I affirmed, assuring myself of my continued faith in myself and my decisions. I allow myself to have made mistakes in the past, and I allow myself not to be perfect in the future. I accept that I am where I am in life, and that is how it should be. I also forgive everyone else who played a role in the chain of events. We all acted with very little awareness, like a child learning to walk—falling, stumbling, bumping into things—because without that, no one can learn to walk. In my meditations, I often see myself and the flow of my life as an unstoppable stream of energy. I lie upon the current and let it carry me. If it pauses somewhere to rest, I rest. If it curves, I help myself take the turn as smoothly as possible. If the current grows strong, I let my heart speed up; I allow myself to experience life as it is, without resistance. I trust myself, I trust life. Under all circumstances, I am safe; I am free. Agatha Seymour /This piece was written years ago. As I return, it finds its place here once again, unchanged./