When There Is No Jealousy: Can a Relationship Thrive Without Drama?

Is jealousy really a sign of deep love—or just unnecessary drama? Discover how a relationship without jealousy can bring more peace, trust, and genuine connection into your life. I think jealousy is fundamentally part of human nature—and perhaps also, to some extent, a matter of age. As time goes by, it seems to me that people are less and less willing to stay in relationships where even the suspicion of infidelity arises. They no longer have the patience for nonsense, for games, for pointless arguments—they say they want peace, a quiet, calm home to return to after work. Of course, for some it’s not about age or experience at all; there are those who, even very young, are capable of going through a relationship without jealousy or dramatic scenes. “If you think jealousy belongs to great loves and intense passions, you’re mistaken,” my friend says. “I’ve never been the jealous type. I couldn’t even tell you why—maybe it’s just my nature, maybe I simply have no inclination toward drama. The point is, I’ve never experienced anything like that.” When I think more deeply about the details, I have to say that it benefits a relationship—at least the ones I’ve been part of—if these stormy scenes are left out of it.

For example, if you let the other person live their life—if you don’t constantly call them, test them, or spy on them—you yourself become calmer, because your attention isn’t always focused on someone else instead of yourself. That way, you can truly live your own life. It also improves your relationship with your partner’s friends. From experience, I can say they liked me a lot precisely because I didn’t keep calling or interrogating my boyfriend while he was with them. They were genuinely glad they didn’t have to see me as a rival. In all my relationships, the principle of “live and let live” played a role, and it had a positive effect on our shared life. And there’s one more thing that people who constantly cling to their partner and try to possess them often don’t take into account: when the other person occasionally goes out and enjoys life with others—whether it’s a football match or a casual beer with friends—you get to experience that very important feeling of missing them. And that makes the hours and days you spend together even more valuable. I’m not saying this attitude has no downsides—of course it does. It’s true that my life was free of drama and jealous scenes, but there was something else instead. My accepting, easygoing behavior was often interpreted as a lack of interest. Because I didn’t hang on my partner, whispering in their ear “I love you,” “I miss you,” “stay with me,” and so on, it often confused men. When they brought it up, I always gave the same answer: it’s simply not in my nature to express my love through words and declarations. I relate much more to actions. For example, welcoming my partner with a delicious dinner, or surprising them with a thoughtful gesture I know they’ll appreciate—that, for me, is love. Agatha Seymour /This piece was written years ago. As I return, it finds its place here once again, unchanged./