You Were Born a Winner — Stop Acting Like a Victim

You were not born to live in self-pity or fear, but to create a strong and meaningful life. Learn why taking responsibility and moving forward is the only way to grow and truly live. One of the greatest struggles of human nature is the tendency toward self-pity and self-sabotage. We are capable of complaining, of grieving for years over past losses, clinging to our pain, weeping over it—acting as though no one else has ever experienced what we have. Unfortunately, the people around us often do not encourage us to stand back up. Instead, they sit beside us and add to the number of those who are suffering. “It’s fine this way,” they say. “Don’t do anything, you might get hurt again. Don’t even try something new.” They encourage what they themselves have chosen: certain failure, future regret, a life lived in fear. I consider myself fortunate, because the people around me have never supported my suffering or self-pity. No one has ever pitied me—in fact, if I ever tried to complain about my losses, I received such a response that I quickly regretted even bringing it up. For this simple reason, I never became familiar with the bittersweet comfort of self-pity. In every difficult situation, under the firm gaze of those around me, I stood up and moved forward. Family can help greatly when they refuse to support sadness and instead push us toward action. Years ago, when I needed it, I received that kind of help. “We brought a healthy, beautiful, intelligent child into the world,” my parents said. “Very few people begin life with better advantages than you have. Within our means, we have done everything for you. Now that you are an adult, it is your responsibility to make an effort for yourself. Pull yourself together and create a life that makes you happy. We have no expectations—you can live however you choose—but you must find your place in the world. We cannot do that for you, and no one else can. So do something with yourself. Don’t be an idiot—we didn’t raise you to be one.”

At times like this, a person gathers their strength, sets out, and creates a life according to their abilities and opportunities. Of course, it doesn’t seem easy—and it isn’t. But everyone has, or can have, thoughts that allow them to stand on their own side and give themselves strength. Sometimes it is enough to remember that our parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents lived through far more difficult times than we do. They endured wars and the years that followed. They stood their ground—and they didn’t complain nearly as much as we do. In truth, they didn’t even have the opportunity to. When you reflect on everything that stands behind you in your family’s story, it becomes clear that you have no other choice but to step into life with the same strength they did. You must act, act, act, and keep acting. Not mourn the past, but believe, always look forward, seek creative and constructive solutions—and be happy, because we have every possibility to be so. There is no point in lamenting times that have passed—they will not return. And life has never been easy. In every era, people have had to face the challenges of their time; nothing could be more natural. We, as people of the 21st century, must find our happiness within our present circumstances—our place in the world, in our personal lives, and in our vocation. It is not easy, but it is not impossible. You simply have to start—one step, then another, and then another. And before you know it, you are already halfway there. No one is coming to save you. And that is your greatest power. — Agatha Seymour /This piece was written years ago. As I return, it finds its place here once again, unchanged./