The Power of Self-Love: How One Simple Decision Can Transform Your Life

I don’t remember the exact year, but I think it must have been about seven years ago. I was saying goodbye to my therapist friend. “I’m rushing,” I told her, “I have so much to do, and I need to eat something quickly.” “Pay more attention to yourself,” she said. “Also to what you eat, and whatever you do—whether eating, drinking, reading, doing yoga, working, etc.—treat yourself kindly and with care.” Right then and there, I resolved to follow her advice. I began practicing this gentle self-care with something as ordinary as the lunch I just mentioned. Since then, I believe I have elevated the love and attentiveness I bring to my relationship with myself to a high level. As I started engaging in internal dialogues in which I spoke kindly and treated myself well, my whole relationship with myself transformed: it became more refined, more valuable, and more important to me. I was astonished at how different, how rich a life I was able to create entirely on my own, based on a simple decision and without any external help. How personal responsibility begins with simple, easily achievable actions, and how it cultivates itself in the process.

Because this is how improving our lives begins: we don’t wait for outside help (which is unnecessary—no one has the key to our inner world, our thoughts, or our feelings). Instead, we do what we ourselves are capable of doing. For example, we start by noticing when we’re hungry and choosing not to eat whatever happens to be within reach, but instead asking ourselves: What would you like, dear? What do you desire? To avoid misunderstandings, let me clarify: the point of this question isn’t to answer, “I want a three-course meal from a Michelin-starred restaurant, with a gift on the side.” The point is to approach ourselves with love, not harshly or cruelly, but kindly. To express that we are important, that our needs are important, and that those needs deserve to be met. Once we take this first step, all we need to do is continue, and as much as possible, approach ourselves with this kindness and compassion in every moment of life. Over time, this practice will also help us stop irritating ourselves over small things. At first, there may still be occasional swearing or impatience toward ourselves, but if every day we make the effort to give ourselves as much love as possible, in moments when we have to choose between stress and inner peace, we will reliably choose self-love—simply because it feels good and smooths our hearts. And with this small change, things begin to shift, and miracles start to happen in our lives. The miracle’s name: As within, so without. The way we treat ourselves is the way others will treat us. The principle is remarkably logical: if someone calls themselves an idiot, unworthy, ugly, or foolish, it is entirely reasonable that the outside world will see them that way too. The two are always in harmony; it cannot exist that someone possesses genuine, internally nourished self-esteem while the world reflects the opposite. (A side note: there is no such thing as “too much” self-confidence; what is often called that is simply compensation. Confidence either exists or it doesn’t.) Those who are in love with themselves are avoided by people who hate themselves (and therefore hate others as well), because such people don’t know how to deal with them—or with the “energy field” that love radiates around the person. I believe everyone has experienced this phenomenon: meeting someone the world dared not challenge. Not because they were strong or frightening, but because an undeniable force radiated from them, one that could not be argued with. This force was nourished by trust in oneself, faith, love, and a commitment to the good. Agatha Seymour /This piece was written years ago. As I return, it finds its place here once again, unchanged./